My name is Asha, and I have Spiritual Laziness– sounds so bizarre to write that, but in this moment it is true. There is a certain apathy about certain things I do not want to confront in my life- ahh, yes, tax season is upon us. The time when avoiding the crunching of the numbers, where the thought of looking at profit/ loss statements can feel like torture, and the mystical air where forecasting for the following year is just not so fun or mystical. I am experiencing laziness in the third degree- like a bad burn who’s oozing wounds call for my eyes to look away, forever if I could.
But, I don’t. Ugh, I want to, but I don’t. Then, there’s the laundry and cleaning– nothing to do with taxes, but just as boring and uninspiring.
I can either go into the abyss of self-judgment or rationalize the priority level of the items at hand. But the truth is that I know deep down that I am avoiding. And in my as-of-late practice, I am trying on the concept of BEING rather than DOING- Oh, wait, is that an excuse? Possibly. I am observing my reaction to the mess created by two little girls every frickin day, I am observing the piles of bills that could get paid but somehow I am, yep you guessed it, avoiding it.
Why? Why do we avoid what is not fun to do?
I got it! I don’t have a real reason to do it, a compelling reason why it is vital to get this done. Not yet, no compelling reason yet. Do I wait until it comes to me or do I explore. I think exploring could help. Making a list perhaps of why I want an organized house, contemplating the big sigh of relief that comes from paying all the bills, how happy my children are when their clothes are clean and put away. Oh, and my favorite how uncluttered my mind feels as I purge through the to do’s.
One last thing… help is always good. I’m going to ask for help. Asking must be Spiritual or at least human. And why exactly do I think I can do all this alone? I have a great husband who has been carrying me, the house, and the family in this apathy, but he’s starting to wonder when his slavery shift will be over.
My homework: write for 5 minutes why doing taxes, bills and laundry is good for the soul. Just write. Don’t force myself to do it. No expectations, just one 5 minute exercise and see what comes up….
What are you avoiding? Do you know why? If you just did it, what would you feel? And can you just sit on observe that you are not doing it, without judgment? Hmmmm…