My last minutes of life…

Raising two spirited girls has been full, challenging, disastrous, expanding, and well, the chosen path for me. I notice some of my girlfriends who don’t have children and I admire their careers; in critical years of accelerating their professional progress they have taken full advantage, and there is a part of me that wonders what my life would have been like had I not had children. Ok, I daydream about this one a bit too much.

So, I’ve been grasping for peace in the life of another, sort of speak. Grass is always greener type of scenario. But, is it? Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. And honestly, it does not matter, because THIS is my life. With my beautiful choices and my messy perspective. The life I have chosen. Sometimes it feels good and sometimes it doesn’t.

But last night I saw something in meditation: as we meditated on Life, Death, Karma (cause and effect), and acceptance of the  imperfection of life, I recognized that if I were to die today, I’d want to spend my last minutes with the 3 people I love. My girls and my man. And from that place of love, I saw the temper tantrums, the fights, the refereeing, the drama, the chaos, the stressful mornings, the unstructured weekends (that I love but that they fall apart in) as just waves. Waves that pass through me and some that I get to watch. And through their waves of discomfort, I love them all.

I heard a sermon on NPR, and the reading was talking about how Lent is the time to also be honest with God, and so I had a heart to heart. I follow the guidance of my soul, I am a good daughter of the Divine, and my truth is that I need more help in having peace, acceptance & love as a Mommy, especially in the throes of the tantrums. I felt gifted last night. I felt that the Divine heard my plead, and answered with a moment of getting it.

And then, I found out that one of my favorite designers (and a fellow Venezuelan), Carolina Herrera started her career at the age of forty. After raising, not two, but four young ladies. She said, family first, then career. It worked for her (obviously) and let’s see how I do!


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