Relationship Issues Show Up In The Home: Looking Within


Yesterday we looked outside of ourselves and looked at how we perceived others in relationship. Today we turn and look within to discern how our interpretation of what we observed affects our relationship with ourselves.

So…what is your relationship with yourself? Do you like yourself? Do you feel vulnerable? Do you feel unimportant? Or do you feel vibrant, alive and useful? Is your life meaningful? How do you see yourself in a relationship? Are you waiting for the love of your life so you can be whole and happy?

What do you have to offer your partner? What are your gifts? These questions form your relationship blueprint and affect all the relationships in your life, not just the intimate ones.

The difficult relationships tug on our heartstrings because through each relationship we replay information we collected since birth while role-playing. We were brothers, sisters, cousins, best friends, lesser friends. We were boyfriends, girlfriends, mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles, grandchildren, neighbors, vendors, buyers, dependents, independents. Each role became a filter that we use now to relate to others. Some relationships we experienced up close and personal and at other times we were observers.  In all instances, we assessed love and made decisions about loving and being loved. This filter, Eckhart Tolle calls our “pain body”. Most of us, unwittingly, use it to relate to our world and it is our relationship vibration or what I call: our relationship blueprint. When we enter into an intimate relationship, our “being loved” filter takes command. If our love filter matches the other person’s love filter, then there is a match. So, these questions beckon us to accept responsibility for whom and what shows up in our life and when events and circumstances keep on repeating over and over, the common denominator is us!

In the process of measuring our love quotient we also created dualities. This person is nice. That person hurt me. I am good, others are not. He didn’t love me. She did not pay enough attention to me. Eckhart Tolle writes in A New Earth, that “what you react in another you strengthen in yourself”. When you blame others or complain about others not behaving properly, not caring for you, or not loving you enough, you create separations. In creating relational hierarchies you also deny yourself the benefit of learning from the circumstances by accepting responsibility for your role in it. When you feel unloved, you feel is the operative phrase. You have nothing to give and you want something or someone to give to you. Do question the validity of your feelings because they may not be real. As I mentioned, these feelings are most likely based on how you perceived the event many years/days/months/lifetimes ago. Above all, when you feel unloved, you see yourself as separate from Source, God, the Universe…Yes, many of us have suffered deeply while being in relationship with others, yet when we dismiss our role in the relationship we are holding on to a misperception of reality. You don’t condone someone who has hurt you deeply. You simply forgive yourself for allowing others to hurt you and release the other from perpetuating the role in the entanglement. It is about energy and our consciousness is energy at its finest and most dynamic form. You can change your reality at any moment by deciding to do it. When your vibration is one of self-love and deep self-respect, others’ negative actions or thoughts cannot break the energetic barrier it creates. These are your gifts. Remember Santa Claus? Others are eager to receive your gifts. Become Santa Claus when you are looking for good relationships.

Without self-love you look for the ideal partner to complete you. A friend mentioned the other day that she looked for partners to bring her out of her shell. So she continued to look for relationships with powerful men and bold risk takers, only to find out that they were actually untrustworthy, rather shallow, but good for the excitement. She did not trust herself to take risks on her own! When you feel powerful and whole, you have gifts for others and others have greater gifts for you. You are one with God, as Jesus says in Matthew 5:48, “Be ye whole, even as your Father in Heaven is whole”.

Spend today considering and reviewing your relationship blueprint. Do you like it? If so, continue as you have been. If you did not like some parts of the “layout”, then decide to improve it and have faith that you can do it. You deserve the best as you are a gift. You are your best Valentine!

 Are you ready to see how the existing relationship blueprint shows up in your home? See you tomorrow and Happy Self Valentine’s Day!

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