“Allowing the cleansing and healing
of all emotional patterns that keep us from flight…
See holes and gaps as possibilities
and mirrors of a clear soul
where new growth can occur…
Resonating with Love…
release the pure sparkling original inner child
into the world of wonder…
Free to fly forever!”
I had a couple of rough weeks. As many of you know, I like to practice noticing what comes toward me and use the events and people who I attract to gauge the state of my vibrational field. What I’ve seen made me stop on my tracks. I didn’t like it. I retreated, yet I did not resist it.
I stopped all movement toward my stated dreams. I stopped as many things as I could without hurting anyone in the process. I mean that I performed most of my jobs with a positive demeanor but I released a project that I had accepted for all the wrong reasons. I also had a painful interaction with a very important person in my life and I began noticing anger and sadness in other people. I witnessed it in someone whom I simply adore. At the same time and amidst utter chaos, someone else I deeply love allowed me to see absolute kindness and calm.
I also stopped thinking. I retreated to a practice that has served me well for over three decades; meditation and silence. For 3 days, I performed only the most necessary external activities. I came home and sat. I did not write. I did not speak unless it was necessary. I did not reply to phone calls, text messages or email unless the caller would have been negatively affected. I decided to re-arrange the artworks in storage and the picture above “just surfaced”. I was grateful, for it was the first ray of light I had experienced in weeks. It was clear that at the root of my latest experiences, was some old and deeply buried emotional baggage trying to come up for air.
Well…I invited the whole bag! It certainly was not pretty, but in the process, I noticed, accepted and released old tapes still playing in my head (I know, tapes are old too) I accepted that not feeling loved was at the core, and that I really did not know what I was supposed to do to be loved. I was acting as if I was still 10 or 12 years old and I saw how many of the things I do, I secretly hope that would make me lovable. I worked and worked, and buried myself in “quality” work, whether I was designing, teaching, and even painting. Yet it was not working! The emotional baggage took a toll on my body and the work I love to do. As self “punishment” for my shortcomings, I invited no time to do the things I truly love. What I saw was that I did not show myself the love and respect I deserve. Thus, I was not getting it from the outside! Who could possibly love me if I did not?
Last night, during a wonderful webinar with Jessica Ortner, I heard her say something that truly resonated. “We take care of what we love”. I was not taking care of the only person that could love me. I AM THAT PERSON.
I accepted the lessons. I re-read the poem I wrote after I painted Healing the Child Within, in 2009 and that marked the beginning of a new period in my life cycle. I focused once more on the glittering light of the heart center and merged with it. I flowed with the swirling fires clearing the encrusted old patterns. I saw the loving heart breaking the boundaries of the painting and I saw new life growing yet blending into the darkness of the void…the field of possibility.
As I heal, I honor and increase my faith in my powers to create my life. I invite you to use the image and explore if your little child within, the one you may have kept from the light, is keeping you from flight. See holes and gaps as possibilities where new growth can occur. Resonate with self-love and be free to fly forever!