I did not expect it, but then again how could I have prepared for what life presented me 3 days into the new year?
I dedicated myself to leading a mindful life, seeing physical pain as holding gifts and unafraid of death, so when the pain in my chest and shoulders became unbearable, when I began to sweat profusely and no position I put myself in was of any comfort, I prepared to exit in style. I began to breathe ever so slowly and focus my attention on all the things in my life that I was grateful for. I thought of my family and close friends. I did not want a stranger calling to say that my body was found lifeless and in bad shape, a few days after I had passed.
As I reached for my phone, I called the first number that appeared and fortunately it was my friend Donna, whom I had seen the day before. She not only lives very close by; she was miraculously available to come to my house speedily. I thought she could bring me to the local urgent clinic, thinking that I had pneumonia. I was mistaken…
The intense pain forced me to give up control and allow a series of fortunate events to happen very quickly. My heart needed expert help to release the physical blocks it had accumulated over the years thus, a stent was placed in a main artery, medicines were prescribed, and monitoring devices were installed. While half dazed, I received extraordinary care and attention from the staff at the cardiac intensive care unit in Mt. Auburn Hospital in Cambridge, MA and was showered with the affection of my loved ones.
The next night, when visitors had left and my last tests and medicines of the day were given, I laid on the bed reflecting on the situation I was in. I couldn’t help but notice that an opportunity for a great shift was made available, I just did not know how it would unfold. Unworried, I saw a more interesting reality to contemplate: I was alive and pondered whether I consciously chose to live, or a more powerful energy decided that this was not my time.
Over the last few years, it had become much easier for me to live with a healthy dose of serendipity. I know that my best asset is to voice my wishes; some call it intentions, then go through the motions of planning how to manifest them, act on the plans, be present to what shows up, be patient with the timing and periodically review if the intentions are still viable, need a readjustment, or I best stop putting effort into manifesting them.
Most of the intentions I voiced and knew that were guided by the voice of my heart, have manifested when I stopped trying to mold my present and manipulate the future. When I placed my consciousness in the now and trusted the benevolent energies that guide my way, what became manifest has always been perfect. This time was no different.
But now I had to admit that the powerful energy lives in my heart and it was divinely announcing that it was partially blocked to receiving love and in need of urgent human intervention!
How I knew this? I have never felt so loved and grateful for the affection and kindness that came from complete strangers, like doctors and nurses, and even the cleaning staff at the hospital. Nurses even clapped when I was discharged. I received torrents of love and physical assistance from my family in ways that I will treasure forever. I was cradled in unconditional love by my friends, my clients, my neighbors and my colleagues. Additionally, in being forced to let go of how I earn an income, paintings sold on my website while I was in the operating room and more were purchased soon after I came home. Former clients appeared and were willing to wait until I recovered my strength to continue working with me on their design projects. I also received a commission for a new Door Protector!
When I looked back on the journal entry I made on the morning of the myocardial infarction, it spoke of guidance I was being offered; to let the past hurts go and release the chains of fear, guilt and pain that imprisoned me. The reading beckoned me to be at peace with what was and use the past as fertilizer for my life to flourish in the now. It suggested that if I surrendered and allowed for a deep release to happen, I would be fully protected and receive great help. The writing ended with a Rumi poem I found,
Every cell in your body is created
to rise to challenges,
Your life in meant to confront
everything that holds you captive
I know that challenges expand our spiritual light, much like the pearl oyster reacts to an invader by secreting pearlescent layers that protect the treasure within. The jolt that my heart produced affected my entire system and helped me reflect on my light; the valuable uniqueness I bring to the world whether through my intuitive paintings or with the healing spaces I design.
I came away from this karmic experience with gratefulness for all who were involved in mending my wise heart. I am particularly and deeply thankful for my dear friend Donna*. She saved my life by insisting on calling the ambulance and knew that her hunch was correct when it arrived in just 5 minutes from the call. She also stayed with me until I was out of surgery and in close touch with my grandson, who was on his way to join us.
I don’t have all of the answers that occupied my thoughts on that first night. Yet I fully acknowledge the very powerful energy that lives in my heart beckoning me to continue to live my earthly purpose, trusting that Spirit has my back. I couldn’t help to notice that my heart now unblocked is asking that I focus on loving myself deeply and celebrate who I am, just as I am.
A couple of weeks after the surgery, I cautiously entered the studio and created The Unblocked Heart, the painting portrays how honoring the powerful light within me allows me to see life without the murky filters of the past. In contemplating the image and listening deeply, it crystalized a clearer vision I can commit to live by:
- To always remember my uniqueness and interconnectedness to all. As written in the Hindu text, Upanishads, “when a blade of grass is cut, the whole universe quivers”, each of us have a very important role to play in the history of the world. Our thoughts and our actions make a difference in how society expresses itself and on the quality of our shared life.
- To endeavor to live life fearlessly and to the fullest always guided by the voice of my heart.
- To honor my nature and my yearnings by maintaining a healthy and reverent respect for my skills, talents and wisdom. In devoting quality time and attention to doing what I love and what I am passionate about, its magnificence will naturally blossom and benefit many and eventually all.
- To never force action yet stay grounded in the always alert, non-judgmental, loving, encouraging and solid gold awareness.
An Unblocked Heart is an original acrylic painting on a 12” x 24” x .78” canvas and needs no framing. It is available by clicking on the highlighted link, or on the art on the header. If you are attracted to it, it will surely assist you in unblocking your heart before it becomes an urgent matter.
Many blessings to all!
*Donna Brallier-Lincoln is an extraordinary massage therapist and Reiki master. If you reside in the Boston area and would like to take in a treatment with her, please email me through my website and I will provide her contact information.